Tags: self-reflection, svadhyaya, rest, nervous system, yoga philosophy, burnout
I had a right royal battle with myself the other day.
I was tired. Maybe fighting a cold. And I did not want to slow down and rest. I mean, I did. But also I really, really didn’t.
I stayed in bed late that morning, and then I was annoyed with myself for it. I cancelled my own plans, but still drove someone else to theirs. I told myself I’d take it easy, then found a reason to call in on a friend on the way home anyway.
Why is it so hard to ever just… stop?
I Don’t Have the Answer (Sorry)
I know I need to slow down sometimes. I know I find it difficult. That’s it, that’s the whole insight, some days.
But the thing I keep coming back to, both on and off the mat is this: you don’t need the answer for the question to be worth asking.
This is something I say in class often – don’t worry about getting the answer, or whether you can even feel anything yet. Simply asking the question directs your attention to what you want to know. The insight often doesn’t arrive on demand. Sometimes it just needs the runway to be lit up.
The Yoga Practice of Svadhyaya
In yoga philosophy, there’s a concept called svadhyaya — self-study, or self-reflection. It means staying open to examining your own habits, prejudices, and preferences, so you don’t become stuck or rigid in the way you live.
It matters most in the difficult times: the losses, the health scares, the Impending Cold. Because those are exactly the moments we double down on our usual patterns, even when they’re not useful. Maybe they were useful once, maybe they’re only useful sometimes. Svadhyaya asks us to notice: is this actually working? Or am I just doing what I always do?
When we keep practising svadhyaya, we start by recognising when something might need to change. We just observe the habit, the resistance to change, the thoughts about the habit. This is important stuff! Habits form over many years and it’s difficult to change them – even on January 1st. But it IS possible, one little step at a time. Starting with that awareness, that self-reflection.
Why We Resist Rest Anyway
If I’m honest with myself about why I resist slowing down, it usually comes down to fear of what I’ll feel on the other side of stopping. Will I be bored? Lonely? Will I lose business, momentum, relevance?
There will definitely be difficult feelings to sit with. And (surprising absolutely nobody) no one enjoys difficult feelings.
But little by little, the insights come anyway. Even writing something like this helps me get closer to understanding my own resistance, one honest sentence at a time.
Both Things Can Be True
Maybe one day I’ll fully understand why I struggle to slow down, and be okay with slowing down anyway, resistance and all. Both things sitting side by side, resting even as I find it uncomfortable in my head.
That might be where the practice leads to in the end. Not fixing the resistance. Not forcing the rest. Just noticing what’s going on, and letting that noticing be enough.
Louise teaches inclusive, health-focused yoga online and in person in Kerry, Ireland — classes and one-to-one sessions that meet you exactly where you are, difficult days included.
